the worst feeling of all is to know you tried your best, but it means nothing.

weather matched my mood today. rushed home to make up for the sleep i lost last night. and in that moment when i lay down on my bed, hug my bolster tightly and breathe in the smell that belongs to me and me alone, i felt a sense of security. 安全感 probably fits the feeling more. as if the safest place in the world is on my bed, as if i do not need anything else. as if my bolster is the best thing that can comfort me, be with me if i feel like crying. as if my bolster is my haven, the place i can safely entrust myself with.

i understand now why girls think of breaking up, or like to pick quarrels. it is sometimes cause the love that should be felt isnt felt. quarreling will make the guy focus their attention on the girl, and quarrels plus breaking up are tests to find out just how much the guy cares. but what if they dont perform up to scratch?

i think i am too ok. it shouldnt be like this. i should feel un-ok. but i dont. does this mean i am too nonchalant? is it a bad omen?

i shall push all responsibility to exams. the factor making my mood gloomy. (and i was surprised, dave noticed my gloominess and was concerned enough to ask) [ bla bla'hb la bla?]